GATES OF EDEN
It is now two millennia since
the Security Seraphims were withdrawn
and the Gates of Eden reopened,
by Jesus, to the General Public.
to all children,
(before their parents succeeded
in banning them).
to all adults,
who agree to leave their baggage outside
(as strongly recommended by JC),
and have successfully passed
the Camel’s Eye of a Needle Security Check.
This will detect even your bikini
and any other thoughts
left over from heavy addiction
to the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge.
It is surprising and chastening
how few (excepting children)
have availed themselves of this
especially as it is rapidly approaching
its Expiry Date.
Outside the gates
are innumerable camper vans
over-flowing removal lorries
and the charred remains
of dead animals (holy sacrifices and Christmas dinners),
together with a jostling crowd
of fashionably robed Bishops and priests,
some of them artificially bald,
some of them with original designer beards.
They are selling genetically modified
original cuttings from the Tree of Knowledge
together with heavily translated instruction manuals,
each with its individual Stamp of Infallibility.
These guarantee to give you
instant and privileged entry
(via a back door with a donation box)
into the Garden of Life
(as soon as you are safely dead).
Once the Expiry Date is reached
(determined by when Planet Earth
can no longer cope
with man’s inhumanity
to man and nature),
the killings by man
will be replaced with
the cullings of man,
controlled, systematic, cosmic.
Then the Gates of Eden
will be closed once more.
Seraphims will be reinstalled
with suicide bombs (pick your own),
and missiles and drones
instead of flaming swords.
The discarded cuttings from the Tree of Knowledge
will grow up into a concealing forest
peopled by a race of test-tube originated primates.
And God will try again elsewhere.